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Thread: The Official Jokes Thread.

  1. #651
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    I saw two guys wearing matching outfits, and asked them if they were gay.

    They arrested me.
    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect!) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

  2. #652
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    When I die I hope to pass peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect!) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

  3. #653
    Senior Member Jim_S-V6_2004's Avatar
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    Fancy a few episodes of "It ain't Arf Hot Mum!", One a week?

    Here's the first, to decide:



    .

  4. #654
    Senior Member Jag-Black's Avatar
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    ha ha I forgot about the snake belt round his turban. I had a red and blue snake belt at the time.

    What colour was your snake belt?

  5. #655
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    I've just seen a homeless man dressed up as Henry VIII. Surely he must realise that beggars can't be Tudors?

    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect!) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

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  7. #656
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    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect!) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

  8. #657
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    Man and wife in bedroom getting dressed for a night out ....Wife stands looking at herself in full length mirror and says " look at me ...My breasts are saggy my belly is flabby my bum has dropped ...I have wrinkles all over and my hair is going grey...." Husband says " yes darling but your eye sight is perfect !"....

  9. #658
    Member Maz_636's Avatar
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    Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot....


    One can be found jumping around the australian outback,

    The other's a geordie stuck in a lift
    4 Wheels: 2007 Jaguar XK 4.2 V8
    2 Wheels: 2016 60th Anniversary Yamaha R1 / 2014 Honda Grom

    There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those that can read binary, and those that can't.

  10. #659
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    And there was a man, in full Army uniform, walking down Whitehall. He saw a man begging, he had a sign saying Falklands Veteran.

    'I don't normally give money to you chappies but in your case I will make an exception'. He handed over a £20 note.

    'Gracias Senor'.
    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect!) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

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  12. #660
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    Official police announcement for Valentine's day.

    For 180 pounds we will arrest your wife until Monday.

    For 300 pounds more you will have the option of a hotel of your choice with women, unhealthy meals and as much alcohol as you want.

    Places are limited due to the cuts in police budget so please book quickly.
    Grumpy Old Git
    “When a government is dependent upon bankers for money, they and not the leaders of the government control the situation, since the hand that gives is above the hand that takes. Money has no motherland; financiers are without patriotism and without decency; their sole object is gain.”
    Napoléon Bonaparte

    2003 (botox) S type 3.0 sport with manual gearbox, as rare as rocking horse apples

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