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Thread: The Official Jokes Thread.

  1. #941
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    Quote Originally Posted by ducmon View Post
    You are dredging the bottom of coffee mug with that joke.
    Think 'de-man rarer'.........

    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect that ate it's engine in Spain and replaced with another Connect known as the Micro Stealth Camper) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

  2. #942
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    Paddy: "Hey Murphy, have you found yourself a job yet?"

    Murphy: "Yeah, I got a job at the strip club. I help the girls dress and undress."

    Paddy: "That's a nice job."

    Murphy: "Twenty quid a week."

    Paddy: "Oh, that's not very much."

    Murphy: "Yes, but it's all I can afford."
    "I know I'm a pessimist because my glass is always half empty...even when it's full".

    2009 X-Type 2.2D Sovereign - Indigo Blue with Ivory Leather

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  4. #943
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    A woman is in court for stealing a tin of peaches.

    After being found guilty the judge says he is going to jail her a day for each peach in the tin. The shopkeeper confirms there were four peaches in the tin.

    "Send her down for four days" announces the judge.

    "She also stole two tins of peas!" shouts her husband from the gallery.
    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect that ate it's engine in Spain and replaced with another Connect known as the Micro Stealth Camper) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

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  6. #944
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    Jack strode into ‘John’s Stables’ looking to buy a horse.
    “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream 'Hey Hey' the way to get him to go is to scream 'Thank God' ".
    Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?”
    "No problem" said Jack.

    Jim was having the time of his life, this horse sure could run he thought to himself.
    Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “Stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going.
    No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “Yo Yo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead.
    They were five feet from the cliff edge when Jim suddenly remembered.
    “Hey Hey!” he screamed.
    The horse skidded to a halt just a few inches from the cliff edge.
    Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”
    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect that ate it's engine in Spain and replaced with another Connect known as the Micro Stealth Camper) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

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