Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: Getting the house in order

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Near Berlin
    Posts
    3,793
    Post Thanks / Like

    Getting the house in order

    I have just got back from my at her in law funeral. He was in hospital being dried out out and his body could just not cope with it.

    My wife was on the train going to Berlin for work on Thursday when she was phoned by her mother. I went and picked her up. Arranged for the neighbours to look after our cats and chickens.

    Once our daughter .managed to get to us. I drove through to Poland.

    What has made the situation worse is my Brother in law partner, who has "helped" my mother in law.

    She went and shut down all the bank accounts and had all the money transferred to their account. Don't get me wrong here. I don't care about the money as it is not mine but my mother in law no longer has a bank account which was a joint account with her husband so this means that all of the standing orders for electricity etc have been cancelled.

    This should have all been dealt with in piece and quite and not when my mother in law was in a case of shock having been told two hours before that her husband was dead. She does not even know how much money she has given away but it is in the region of a 100,000 which she will need in future to repair the house.

    I am only posting this not for sympathy or advice rather to say although it may sound morbid but do set your house in order and arrange things so that beloved partners do not have to go through This as it is a bad enough time without this sort of Crap going on.

    We have had a long conversation my wife daughter and I about this, which we would not have done.
    Grumpy Old Git
    “When a government is dependent upon bankers for money, they and not the leaders of the government control the situation, since the hand that gives is above the hand that takes. Money has no motherland; financiers are without patriotism and without decency; their sole object is gain.”
    Napoléon Bonaparte

    2003 (botox) S type 3.0 sport with manual gearbox, as rare as rocking horse apples

  2. Thanks thebiglad thanked for this post
  3. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Wilds of North Norfolk
    Posts
    4,662
    Post Thanks / Like
    The easy to say answer is for everybody to make a will,and let the person appointed as executor know where the will is located...the executor can also be a benificary of the will.
    Indeed,most people when drawing up a will may well leave the lot to the executor!

    I have no idea how these things work in Poland,but the first relation on the scene snatching the lot seems just a bit off,to me.

    Ducman and your family,I'm so sorry for your loss,trust that things work out for you and yours.
    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect that ate it's engine in Spain and replaced with another Connect known as the Micro Stealth Camper) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

  4. #3
    Senior Member Rowley_1812's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Jct 6 M25
    Posts
    1,478
    Post Thanks / Like
    Always sad when a relative passes on, you have my sympathy Ducmon as I too am in the midst of dealing with my Mum's Estate who left us earlier this year. Thankfully she left a Will as reminded by my brother and I several years ago.

    But forgive me for suggesting that you seem a bit confused ... or more likely it's me that's confused.


    Your first line isn't clear but I assume it's your Father-in-Law who has sadly passed away?

    And then your Brother-in-Law's partner ... wouldn't that be your sister? ... who has "helped" your Mother-in-Law ... which would be your wife's mother ... so your sister has "helped" your wife's mother ...


    I think I've got it all wrong here


    Anyway ... do you not have Executors in Germany/Poland (if there's a Will) or a ruling on 'intestate' if no Will exists? ... as in England? I presume things are more complicated otherwise you wouldn't be posting.

    Either way, surely it is unlawful to transfer the funds to which you refer ... ?!?
    2005 (55) X-type 2.0d S saloon ~ Zircon/Champagne/Belize.

  5. #4
    Senior Member idrobbo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Cheddar
    Posts
    1,117
    Post Thanks / Like
    Sorry for your loss. One other point to make is to also get Power of Attorney sorted before health deteriorates.
    3.0D 2012 (62) XF-S Premium Luxury IRR
    4.2 2004 (04) XK8 Silver
    Previous: 3.0D 2009 (59) XF Luxury, 2002 (52) S Type 3.0 S

  6. #5
    Senior Member S-Type Owner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Posts
    829
    Post Thanks / Like
    Sorry to hear of your loss and the troubles that followed. It is a good reminder to get our affairs sorted in advance, rather than leaving things in the hands of someone who is grieving.
    2003 S-Type 3.0, Zircon with the "Premium Package"...

  7. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Near Berlin
    Posts
    3,793
    Post Thanks / Like
    Just to clear it up a bit.

    My father in law was an alcoholic who had to be taken into hospital because he threatened my daughter and his wife a month ago. My daughter phoned the police and he was taken to a closed hospital. They were dealing with all of the problems such as Hallucinations with heavy sedation. He died on Thursday because of heart failure.

    My mother in law and daughter are trying to deal with feeling very guilty because they called in the police. I told my daughter to do this but she is only 21 and is freaked out badly and blaming herself.

    My brother in laws partner went with my mother in law and shut down all of the three bank accounts and transferred all of the money to their account on Thursday including the joint account where all the bills were paid from. On Friday They took my Mother in Law after we had been told that it take her to the bank to give her her money to the tax office to sign it over as a gift to them so that they do not have to pay tax.

    This means that her pension and bills will not be paid. My wife will now have to take her to open a new account so that she can pay for everything by standing order again.

    All that needed to be done was to have the old account made that it was my mother in laws account and she could deal with it all when she was thinking straighter.

    My main worry is that my mother in laws house is in a state and needs a lot of repair work to be done on it to sort it out and this will not be done. For example She has wood heating and a radiator has been leaking and it was losing water pressure. My brother in law knew about it but did not do anything about it.

    On Friday after being told that it was still not done but he had looked the bit on the internet but was not sure if it was the correct one so he had not ordered it. I went to the local building supply shop and got the piece. It was a ten minute job to replace the bleed nipple on the radiator and refill the system.

    We live 8 hours away by car. So I am unable to come here and do these jobs and I worried that my mother in law no longer has enough money to pay for the work to be done.

  8. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Near Berlin
    Posts
    3,793
    Post Thanks / Like
    I have come home alone leaving my wife with her mother because I was getting more and more angry. I was going to start tidying up the garden and the house because my father in law had been collecting rubbish from other people's bins such as beer tins. He had started to become a Messy

    It would have taken at least three trips to the dump to get rid of all the empty bottles in his bedroom but after my Brother in law telling my Mother in law that I don't know what I am doing when I did jobs around the house such as putting plugs back in the wall because they were hanging out exposing the cables and that it is my fault that one radiator does not work after I repaired the leak.

    It turned out that according to my daughter that this radiator has not been working for months but my mother in law trusts what they are saying rather than my wife and myself even though she knows that I have refurbished my wife's and mine house which included all of the electrics and plumbing.

    I have the feeling that if I started to throw the rubbish away that I would be accused of trying to steal things. So I just packed my clothes and left and washed my hands of the whole affair.

    I have told my wife if she cannot cope with her brothers partner and how my mother in law is acting with her that she should leave. As the relationship has been totally destroyed with her brother all ready and I am a typical British bustard I will start legal action to ensure that my wife receives her legal share of the inheritance as we have legal insurance it will not cost us a penny.

    As she worked in the hospital where he died totally unexpected and he was buried within 3 days and the bank accounts were emptied within hours. I would be willing to go as far as insisting for an autopsy to be performed on the body.

  9. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Wilds of North Norfolk
    Posts
    4,662
    Post Thanks / Like
    Sorry to read your tale of woe,reads like your late father in law had a few 'issues'....

    Perhaps the best thing was for you to retreat,you will be able to offer suitable advice to your 'er indoors from the safety of your own desk!

    Do bear in mind that one litigates in haste and repents at leisure,and it's the legal bunch that get rich...
    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect that ate it's engine in Spain and replaced with another Connect known as the Micro Stealth Camper) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

  10. Thanks ducmon thanked for this post
    Likes S-Type Owner liked this post
  11. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Near Berlin
    Posts
    3,793
    Post Thanks / Like
    Thanks for the advice I am slowly calming down. I just feel totally down and have nobody that I can talk too at the moment as my wife can hardly cope and my daughter is in a mess. To top it all one of my cousins has just had a stoke and I found out today as I was totally out of the communications loop.

    A few issues is an understatement. I had not realised how bad things were because his private rooms I never went into.

    I am afraid to say it all came down to the demon alcohol. We thought that he was getting better because he was drinking less but this was due to the fact that he had developed intolerance to it. He was suffering from Othello syndrome, memory loss and hallucinations.


    We had removed all the alcohol from the house when he was in hospital due to a broken arm because we had been told too by a doctor. This resulted in him threatening to hit his wife with a plaster cast until she went out to buy him some to protect her and my daughter from his aggression. Later that night he starting to run havoc in the house which resulted in my daughter going into the bedroom to protect her grandmother because she thought that he would never hit her but this was not the case. At this point I told my daughter to phone the police. Who took him away to the local mental hospital where he died.


    He had accused my daughter of steeling money and gold from him because he had moved it and forgot that he had done this. It was all a bit to much for a 21 year kid who loved to her granddad to see him like this as she was visiting at the time.

    I have just been trying to pick up all of the pieces whilst trying remain strong for my wife and daughter.

    I have seen all of this before in my own family due to my brothers ex wife who was a control freak who caused all of her kids to suffer mental problems including attempted suicide and this is bring this all up again for me as my brother in law girlfriend is exactly the same sort of person. She will not allow my wife to speak to her own brother alone even about the most trivial of things.

    My wife had asked him to check why the outside light did not work a few months ago and he had not even looked to see if it was a broken bulb, which it was. My wife changed it last time she was there and low and behold he was shocked to find that it worked again. This is why I had repaired the heating system because my wife and the neighbours were worried that the boiler would break on the wood stove due to the lack of water. To put it mildly he is a lazy fucker who does nothing for his mother, a niece went and bought a new oven for her aunty because hers no longer works and I expect that my wife will be building up the flat pack for it and the new sink this week.


    I just need to get this off my mind so sorry guys and girls that I am using you all as my sounding board as I am totally alone here.
    Grumpy Old Git
    “When a government is dependent upon bankers for money, they and not the leaders of the government control the situation, since the hand that gives is above the hand that takes. Money has no motherland; financiers are without patriotism and without decency; their sole object is gain.”
    Napoléon Bonaparte

    2003 (botox) S type 3.0 sport with manual gearbox, as rare as rocking horse apples

  12. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Wilds of North Norfolk
    Posts
    4,662
    Post Thanks / Like
    Hey!

    Rant all you wish...

    At the very least it's not Jim sv6 wanting all potential criminals persecuted to death....

    looks like you are between a rock and a hard place,your 'er indoors and your daughter on one side and you(who has done the right thing and left them to it)on the other side.

    Keep in touch with them,I'm sure that you will win through given time.
    2000 S Type manual(now sold and replaced with a Transit Connect that ate it's engine in Spain and replaced with another Connect known as the Micro Stealth Camper) BMW E30 cabbie in the very rare neon green colour and a Nissan Micra for 'er indoors!

  13. Likes S-Type Owner liked this post
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •