Thank you for posting this. It can't have ben easy for you.
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What a dreadful experience your wife is going through Adam, they say that those closest to you can cause the most harm and her so called friends certainly caused some frightful damage of that there is no doubt and shame on them.
In my role as a podiatrist, not very glamorous granted, but I had the honour of being with people on a one-to-one basis and quite intimate for a good while during treatment, and you would be amazed at how patients would confide in me about how life was difficult for them emotionally speaking and the issues they had with chronic stress, anxiety, and depression and the way it can escalate so very quickly as you already know. Many a time my being able to listen, empathise and maybe give a little help in the right direction was very much appreciated by the reaction I got as the patients left, nearly as much as making their feet more comfortable ... now there's a thing eh?
What I did become abundantly aware of, was that yes the person with mental health issues in all its guises, which was usually my patient was obviously suffering in someway, but so too was the carer, not so the professional I am thinking of here, but definitely family and loved ones, and many a time I could see them slowly going down hill as time went by. So with a good deal of tact and in a concerned way, I would certainly let them know how important they are, and looking after themselves is high on the agenda along with looking after their loved one ... after all, they ought to take care of themselves in order to take care of someone else right?
Mental health issues working for the NHS became really prevalent in the last couple of years before I retired, in fact a complete team of district nurses all went off sick with it and management started running courses on mindfulness, and being aware when things were getting on top of you etc. and providing copping skills like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) etc.
The reason I could empathise with patients and carers so well, was because I too am a sufferer of chronic anxiety and depression, and I am a firm believer in talking about it as keeping everything inside in my opinion supresses the angst and you end up like a pressure cooker where once the valve is released the outcome may not be a good one. Expressing thoughts and feelings steadily along the way, keeps the pressure down, even with the occasional letting off steam, this can be managed, far better than an uncontrollable explosion.
Everyone finds there own way of managing things, my bestest friend is in the same boat as me, we both take medication and that certainly helps, but it is far better for me than for her.
Another thing with me is I strongly believe in the powers of CBT, breathing and meditation to help with mindfulness and those particularly difficult times when they come along and oh yes they still do. My my on the other hand, thinks this is all namby-pamby stuff with a load of old fairies sitting around in a ring telling stories and feeling sorry for themselves - flipping cheek eh?
I have been on many courses in person and online, and there is so much help out there, you just need to look for it and ask, so many lovely people all with an open hand offering help and support.
You and you lovely lady are not alone Adam, far, far from it, my door is always open and is wide enough for you both ... you can pm me any time
Gina
Sorry I’m replying so late!
this is quite the story can’t image how that must of felt especially the relief you had when you were found to be innocent. The issue is and I don’t wish to cause any issues on here but I don’t think drugs (antidepressants) are the way forward my mum was on them and it just caused wild mood swings but I guess it’s better than alcohol?
She is seeking therapy and has been benefiting to her but I think it’s going to be a long road, panic attacks are never easy to deal with, my wife’s tend to be silent which makes it hard to identity because I could be completely oblivious to it all and not know so I’m trying to take steps to identify it sooner!
Thank you for the wise words, and positive thinking it’s strange how just something like talking can make such a difference and thanks for offering your support!
PS
I have a terrible short fuse I had ADHD diagnosed and it’s utterly hilarious if I’m doing DIY and can’t do it, let just say last time some spanner’s get launched at my shed
I guess you being in a face to face business forces you and the other person to interact in a positive way, and being honest them coming to you could have been the first steps for them becoming more confident because you are someone normal to talk to which is a lot of the time all anyone wants!What a dreadful experience your wife is going through Adam, they say that those closest to you can cause the most harm and her so called friends certainly caused some frightful damage of that there is no doubt and shame on them.
In my role as a podiatrist, not very glamorous granted, but I had the honour of being with people on a one-to-one basis and quite intimate for a good while during treatment, and you would be amazed at how patients would confide in me about how life was difficult for them emotionally speaking and the issues they had with chronic stress, anxiety, and depression and the way it can escalate so very quickly as you already know. Many a time my being able to listen, empathise and maybe give a little help in the right direction was very much appreciated by the reaction I got as the patients left, nearly as much as making their feet more comfortable ... now there's a thing eh?
What I did become abundantly aware of, was that yes the person with mental health issues in all its guises, which was usually my patient was obviously suffering in someway, but so too was the carer, not so the professional I am thinking of here, but definitely family and loved ones, and many a time I could see them slowly going down hill as time went by. So with a good deal of tact and in a concerned way, I would certainly let them know how important they are, and looking after themselves is high on the agenda along with looking after their loved one ... after all, they ought to take care of themselves in order to take care of someone else right?
Mental health issues working for the NHS became really prevalent in the last couple of years before I retired, in fact a complete team of district nurses all went off sick with it and management started running courses on mindfulness, and being aware when things were getting on top of you etc. and providing copping skills like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) etc.
The reason I could empathise with patients and carers so well, was because I too am a sufferer of chronic anxiety and depression, and I am a firm believer in talking about it as keeping everything inside in my opinion supresses the angst and you end up like a pressure cooker where once the valve is released the outcome may not be a good one. Expressing thoughts and feelings steadily along the way, keeps the pressure down, even with the occasional letting off steam, this can be managed, far better than an uncontrollable explosion.
Everyone finds there own way of managing things, my bestest friend is in the same boat as me, we both take medication and that certainly helps, but it is far better for me than for her.
Another thing with me is I strongly believe in the powers of CBT, breathing and meditation to help with mindfulness and those particularly difficult times when they come along and oh yes they still do. My my on the other hand, thinks this is all namby-pamby stuff with a load of old fairies sitting around in a ring telling stories and feeling sorry for themselves - flipping cheek eh?
I have been on many courses in person and online, and there is so much help out there, you just need to look for it and ask, so many lovely people all with an open hand offering help and support.
You and you lovely lady are not alone Adam, far, far from it, my door is always open and is wide enough for you both ... you can pm me any time
Gina
You’ve obviously made a really positive impact on people’s lives but just giving them that extra boost they need which I think is absolutely brilliant, speaking of mindfulness she watches things like that on Netflix and does a lot of YouTube to cope if things get to much but it’s just when things pile up quick and fast it becomes a big issue. Also she felt like before she had to suppress her emotions due to her ex friends as when she did speak up she was never listened to. Get this right early last year (ish) we were thinking about doing up our house and doing a wood panelling affect her friend caught wind and went ballistic accusing us of copying them and just kept hounding my wife over it how crazy is that? That is the kind of people we had to deal with, the stories go on and on but it’s just too much to fit into a single post but it got bad.
She’s still finding ways to help including therapy and other courses etc joining Facebook groups with people all over the world suffering from similar issues,
Thank you so much for the positive words and thank you for the lovely offer we will certainly bare that in mind when I talk to her about this later and pass on all the kind messages sent from here it’ll help her no end!
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