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2017 Autobiography
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No no no, a kidney chap.

It was the only word I could think of that quick ending in 'ney'...

TMW
... as f*ckney isn't a word.
 

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GM Like Computer Industry
At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1,000 miles to the gallon."
General Motors has issued a press release stating:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the justice dept.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You would press the "start " button to shut off the engine.

Gotta love a comeback

Jim
 

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Bottle Beard Headgear Turban Event


Jim
 

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Premium Member
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17,834 Posts

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Premium Member
2016 Autobiography
Joined
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2,387 Posts
GM Like Computer Industry
At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1,000 miles to the gallon."
General Motors has issued a press release stating:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the justice dept.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You would press the "start " button to shut off the engine.

Gotta love a comeback

Jim
I’m beginning to wonder if our cars were designed by Microsoft?
 
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Premium Member
2016 Autobiography
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2,387 Posts

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Premium Member
2016 Autobiography
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2,387 Posts
Absolute quality.

I remember seeing that the first time it was broadcast.

Brilliant comedian.

Good night and may your god go with you.

TMW
Yep, I remember our whole house being in stitches when he was on.
 
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Made me think of this by Dave Allen

Good one Glenn, remember watching that and having a great ole laugh.
Who didn't love Dave Allen?

Jim
 

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I hear Simply Red have teamed up with Budweiser to release the official Qatar World Cup soccer anthem:


“Holding back the beers............."
 
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Product Font Rectangle Circle Handwriting
 

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Someone on here has just called me fat!

But I won't respond, I'm bigger than that.....
 

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I now identify as a can of deodorant, and before you ask,


Yes I’m Sure.....
 

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Font Bathroom Gas Circle Rectangle


Jim
 
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